I’ve been watching sooo much fucking porn lately like probably idk 4 times a day or some shit but anyway so like i’m watching these hot girls making out with this guy and you know he takes off their bras and they have these huge tits and I’m just like damn those are nice but I’m not turned on so anyway he starts fucking the brunette while he’s making out with the blonde and it’s getting intense and they’re screaming and shit and I just kind of like, start looking down at my nails, and then I’m thinking like, ” you know what? I’ve never met a snail in real life. Everyone gives them shit about being fucking slow all the time, and I bet their not that slow, I bet they just want to get there safe. So anyway this guy is like slapping these bitches in the face with his dick and their still moaning and shit and I close it and start watching this video of this like, snail and you know he’s got the little antenna things on his head and his lil shell and he’s all cute and shit and like he’s on this little trail, obviously going somewhere,and I’m like;”he’s got this shit.” But then, like, 5 minutes passes, and the nigga only gets like, 2 inches. So I just am like, watching this snail for like 10 minutes now, and, I see like this green thing he’s going for, and, I’m like, yo, this motherfucker is, crazy. Do you know what the green thing was? Lettuce. He ate the lettuce.